


Becoming A Savior (Part 4)

by Fanfiction_Fanatic



Series: Becoming A Savior [4]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 07:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10715106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfiction_Fanatic/pseuds/Fanfiction_Fanatic
Summary: The reader begins to know Negan on a more intimate level, but begins to doubt her judgement because of her feelings.





	Becoming A Savior (Part 4)

“How was he?” Sherry asked.

 

“Well, I got him drunk and I think he passed out.” I responded, folding clothes and placing them in boxes to be displayed in the market.

 

“That explains his angry mood.” Sherry sighed. She looked around, changing her manner. “It will be over soon, don't worry.”

 

I nodded.

 

I usually spent my day with Sherry. She was trustworthy and I discovered a lot of the other women and men around here started fist fights or arguments, and I really didn’t need that drama. Sherry was very peaceful, and I needed that presence in my new hectic life.

 

I got back to my cell after chores. I planned to just sleep. I wanted to just relax, and nobody needed me. However when I got to my cell, the door was already open. I was about to walk in, when a warm hand grabbed mine.

 

I gasped and spun around, to see Negan. He seemed very tired, with bags under his puffed eyes.

 

“Can I help you?” I asked, my hand stiff in his.

 

“I just wanted to say,” Negan moaned, suffering from a headache. “If I did anything to offend you last night, I apologize. I turn into a full on dick when I'm drunk.”

 

I smiled slightly. “No, it's fine.”

 

He nodded. Based on his face, he looked like he was holding back the urge to vomit.

 

“Are you still drunk?” I asked cautiously, watching him sway back and forth. 

 

“I finished that whole bottle plus some whiskey, so maybe.” He slurred. He swung Lucille lazily, not caring if he nicked my ankles with it.  _ Ugh.  _

 

“Okay, come on.” I said. With confidence, I took his arm, and swung it over my shoulder. To be honest, I liked the way the leather felt on my bare shoulders. It made me feel safe and protected. Negan smelt of good whiskey and leather. I walked him all the way back to his room, and Negan collapsed on his bed, except he took me with him.

 

I shrieked, as I was pulled towards him, dangerously close to kissing him. He wore a smile, as he pressed my waist against his. He stared up at me, a hunger in his smile. I immediately blushed, feeling extremely embarrassed and wildly aware that I was _on top_ of him. I wrestled out, but he still held onto my hand.

 

“My god, you  _ are _ drunk. Drink water, get some rest and you’ll be fine.”

 

“Come back later, Y/N. I want to have another chat,” Negan slurred. I chuckled.

 

“Okay but with less alcohol.” 

*************************************

That night Dwight sent me to Negan. I still got very nervous around Negan, but it got easier every time. Negan was the most powerful person in the new Virginia, and there was a reminder every corner. 

 

Negan was sober now, according to Dwight. It was comforting to know that I wouldn’t be dealing with obnoxious Negan, but it was scary to know I’d have to face the real Negan. 

 

When I arrived at Negan’s room, he was sitting at his sofa, watering down Lucille with rubbing alcohol. She was very bloody. My heart dropped and I swallowed hard, wondering what innocent person met her fate today. Negan’s eyes met mine, and I felt as I did on the first day being at The Sanctuary again. 

 

“Hey doll.” He grinned. 

 

I turned bitter. “Who was it this time?” 

 

“The undead.” Negan chuckled. I nodded, relieved. I remained standing. “Sit.” I  immediately walked over to his couch, and sat on the edge, squeezing my knees together.

 

He dried off Lucille with a stained rag, and hung her up on the wall again. 

 

“I wanted to talk about your intentions here.” He said, in his husky voice. 

 

“What do you mean?” I asked. Negan confidently walked to me, and sat down. He was sitting very close to me, our thighs almost touching. He smiled, switching his gaze from my eyes to my lips, to my eyes again. 

 

“Are you happy here?” Negan coarsed, arm snaking to my waist. I jerked slightly, feeling tense and on edge.

 

“It's definitely been a crazy few weeks.” I giggled, nervously. I looked down at his arm, his hand gently pressing below my rib cage. I turned back to him. He was still shifting his gaze. 

 

“What do you want to be? Cause darlin', you are so damn fascinating. You have a real shot at being great here. But I'll be willing to release you to the Hilltop or wherever the hell you came from.” 

  
  


“Really?” I asked. My heart leaped at the chance of freedom again. Negan nodded. 

 

“That’s right.” 

 

My life suddenly turned in a flip. I suddenly  _ wanted _ to stay. I  _ wanted _ to serve under Negan. I wanted to be a Savior, and stay in this community where I knew I'd never be hurt by the outside world. I was completely hypnotized. 

 

“No, I'm happy.” I said, mindlessly. 

 

I slowly tangled my hand into his, keeping it pressed against my ribs.

 

His gaze kept shifting as a slow grin crept onto his face.

 

“I want to be yours.” 

 

In a moment's notice, my lips were pressed against his, as if they were meant to be there. His arm pushed me toward him more, and I wrapped my arms around his leathered collar. His beard pricked my chin, but it felt nice. It had been so long since I'd been with someone like this, and I had to admit it felt pretty damn good. 

 

My mind was screaming to stop, and trying to show me pictures of his victims, but something animal in me was forcing me to stay, and forcing me to deepen the kiss. I pushed against him, until I was straddled in his lap. Our chests were beating against each other's, our heartbeats suddenly in sync. 

 

Everything was happening so quickly. His leather jacket suddenly wasn't there anymore, and neither was my shirt. Our kiss became more and more eager and sloppy. He pushed me back over, attacking my neck, all while my mind kept screaming at me,

 

_ What are you doing  _

_ What are you doing _

_ What in the HELL are you doing _

_ *************************************** _

I woke up the next morning on a comfortable mattress rather than a cell floor. I had a full memory of what happened the night before, and I didn't regret it at all. I felt like a new person, with a new home and a whole new confidence. I pushed myself off the bed, the cold air greeting my exposed skin. I looked behind me to see the notorious Negan, sleeping like he was in a coma. A rational thought crossed my mind. 

 

_ Kill him now, Y/N! A perfect escape. He is sound asleep, just do it, Y/N!  _

 

But I dismissed it. My heart didn't want to kill Negan. I wasn't in love with him, but I saw no reason to kill him. He was officially useful to me. 

 

I found my shirt on the floor. I sat up, the mattress creaking. I put it on, and saw Negan waking up to see me. He rubbed his eyes lazily. 

 

“Lord, it's freezing.” He mumbled. I agreed, as I quickly tried to find my jeans. “Come back.” Negan half-begged. My jeans were no where to be seen. Where I put them was an aspect I didn't remember. 

 

I gave up in my search and hurried back to the mattress. My legs were freezing. Negan pulled me close to his warm chest, and I instantly felt at home. My heart sped up, and I felt as if we were touching for the first time. There was definitely a part of me that didn't agree with the age difference, but this was the new world, and there was no “civilized society.” 

 

Negan kissed my ear, and buried his face into my shoulder. I fell back asleep, curled into his arms.

 

When we finally decided to get up, reality kicked in. What was I doing?! I finally gave thought to his wives, or in other words "sex slaves." I quickly changed and before I left to do my work. Before I left his bedroom, Negan pulled me in really close, planting a kiss on my lips. 

 

“I knew you’d come around.” He smiled. 

 

I pressed my forehead to his. “I am Negan. That's who I want to be.” 

 

He tilted his head back, biting his lip. “You are so fucking amazing.” 

******************************

I couldn't stop thinking about “the other girls.” Sherry vaguely told me about. It was obvious he was using these women for sex, which only made me nervous for STD’s. I shouldn't have cared, everyone was dying anyway, but health problems in this world was certain quick but slow death.

 

I didn't have many chores, as Sherry had completed most of mine. She felt extremely guilty and sorry for me, I could sense it. But I didn't. 

 

A few weeks ago and I would've thought Negan was a psychopath who I would never sleep with. I still felt the same way about the psychopath characteristic, but I enjoyed Negan’s company. Even before hell took over Earth, I didn't get a lot of attention from men. I had one boyfriend in high school, and our relationship only lasted a year. The fact that Negan was interested in me, made me wildly attracted to him. Maybe he didn't care, and maybe he wanted to use me like every other woman in the compound, but frankly I didn't care.

 

So I paced the corridors, greeting my fellow Saviors. I wandered around, until I turned a sharp corner and crashed into Negan, of all people. I almost fell backwards, but his hand caught my back, his other held onto Lucille gracefully. He pulled me in close, as if we were one. 

 

“I'm sorry--” I started, but Negan interrupted me. 

 

“I have a job for you if you’d like to take it.” He grinned, eyeing my lips again. “A ride.” 

 

“I’d love to.” I smiled. I smoothly ran my hands up his leather-covered chest like it was second nature. I decided to make a bold move and kiss him. I stood high on my toes, and brought his face to mine. I was expecting to be shoved back, as we were in a public corridor and Negan was a king around here, and no one dared touch the king. But Negan tightened his grip on my body, kissing me back. 

 

Negan had a wide smile as he pressed his forehead to mine. “Follow me, doll.” 

 

I walked by his side throughout the compound, and we came outside to the parking lot where the Hilltop man was murdered. My throat tightened as I remembered Negan screaming at me with such anger. I looked up at him as we continued to walk to see if he remembered too, but he stared straight ahead with a smile. 

 

We joined a large group of Savior men, who all were preparing to jump into three large army trucks. 

 

“Dwight,” Negan called out to the group. “Get Y/N here a weapon.” 

 

From the crowd emerged Dwight, who was holding my backpack. Excitement rose in me, and I graciously took it. 

 

“Thank you.” I quietly said, sifting through my old things. The rational part of my brain nagged at me. 

 

_ Thank you? Really Y/N? Thank you? You should be screaming ‘It’s about damn time!’  _

 

All my things were still there. My pistols, my books, and my survival tools. I zipped up the backpack and threw it onto my shoulders. Negan smiled down at me with approval, and I did the same. 

 

Dwight sunk back into the crowd and returned again with my combat bow. It was bittersweet to get it back. It was heavy as hell, but my prime weapon. I had trained my muscles to always work at 100% when using that bow. I took it nonetheless.

 

“Alright, let's load it up!” Negan called to the crowd. He then turned to me. “We’re going on a little field trip.” He readjusted Lucille, and my stomach tightened. 

 

_ Asshole! Wake up! He’s taking you to kill somebody!  _

 

I hopped into the back of a truck with 6 other men, and we rode away from the compound in silence. 

************************************

The trucks were decently loud, and the men in the trunk with me were silent. They occasionally lifted their heads to look at me, but when I met their gaze, they darted back down. I stared into the horizon, and saw a dark cloud rising from it. A bad storm was coming. 

 

It wasn't long until we arrived at the Hilltop. I was surprised. I didn't understand why we were there. The men jumped out of the trucks, and I followed. Negan was at the gates, and two snipers looked down at us from the large wooden walls, then called something to someone inside the large community. 

 

I watched as the large gates opened, as one single man stood there. Negan stood in front of the man, and we stayed behind. 

 

“Where's Gregory? You have my shit?” Negan called.

 

The man looked angry. “Gregory is busy. He asked me to talk to you.” 

 

“Well let me in.” Negan grinned. “Let’s talk.”

 

Instead of letting Negan inside, he stood his ground. One man against 30. 

 

“No, Negan.” The man quivered. Negan laughed in disbelief. He twisted his body to us, locking his eyes on me. “We are done taking orders from you. We don't want any trouble, but we no longer are going to work for you.” 

 

My stomach ceased. This civilian didn't know what mistake he was making. I watched as Negan stepped closer to him, mumbling something I couldn't hear. 

 

I was watching the situation unfold. Above me, the snipers slowly brought their guns up. I looked back to the man, and saw a slight glimmer from within his clenched fist. 

 

A pocketknife. 

 

I carefully and quietly eased through the Saviors, muttering soft “excuse me”s. Negan continued to whisper threats to him, restating the rules they ought to abide by. While the man squeezed his knife, I reached to grab my switchblade, jogging quickly towards them.  

 

Time seemed to stop. The man swiftly raised his arm, about to slash down into Negan’s neck with his large pocket knife. 

 

_ Yes! Let destiny fall. Run. Chaos will erupt and you can leave and go back to the woods.  _

 

But I disregarded my thoughts. An instinct rose within me, an instinct to protect someone I deeply cared about. 

 

I ran towards the two of them, all while thinking: 

 

_ I don't care for Negan. I can't care for Negan.  _

 

I squeezed between the two, fiercely grabbing the man’s arm, barely stopping him from plunging his knife into Negan’s neck. With my left hand, I pushed my own switchblade into the man's side. 

 

_ What have you done!  _

 

Time returned again, and I couldn't hear anything except my own thoughts screaming at me and battling each other. 

 

_ You killed someone who was innocent to protect a monster. _

_ I don’t know that, he could’ve been bad.  _

_ What have you done?! _

_ I had to protect him. _

_ You have become the thing you feared  _

_ No I haven’t.  _

_ You care for a monster  _

_ No I don’t!  _

_ You love a monster  _

_ No I don’t!  _

_ You are a murderer  _

_ I didn’t mean... _

_ What have you done!   _

 

The man crumpled to the ground, clutching his stomach. He groaned in pain, and I stood over him, my hand bloody. The sound of Negan’s laughter brought me back to reality. 

 

“You really shouldn't have done that Richard!” 

 

Negan grabbed Richard aggressively by the arm, dragging him through the dirt. Richard screamed in pain as Negan threw him into a truck. He turned and called to the snipers, 

 

“Next week we can talk about getting him back.” 

 

There was nothing the Hilltop Snipers could do. The Saviors pointed more guns on them. They had to watch their friend be dragged away with us.

 

The Saviors started returning to the trucks, but Negan stayed and stared at me. 

 

“Y/N,” he called, tilting his head to meet my gaze. I nodded, running to one of the trucks. He helped me up, his hand patting my ass. I sat down, and stared at the bloody switchblade still grasped tightly in my hand. 

******************************

“You saved my life, Y/N. I'm truly grateful and I owe you.” Negan said, handing me a beer. I tilted it back, taking a long, regretful swig. Negan sensed my sadness and anger. “Something wrong?” 

 

I brought my eyes to his wide, brown eyes. I looked at him with desire, and I knew it was wrong. I clenched my teeth down, tightening my jaw. Everything about any sort of relationship we had was wrong. 

 

“I vowed to never kill an innocent human being again. To stick to the trees. Take but not burden.” 

 

“Well, nobody’s innocent anymore.” Negan chuckled, drinking his beer. 

 

“But some are more innocent than others. And Richard? The one you have locked up in a cell right now? He isn't a monster. He isn't you.” I hissed, regretting my words instantly. I didn’t mean them, it was just a heat-of-the-moment outburst. 

 

Negan stared at me with his eyebrows pinched together. He breathed in to say something but I stopped him. 

 

“Consider your debt repaid.” 

 

I sped walked through the compound, ignoring anybody who tried to speak to me. The storm had come over the compound, and the only noise to be heard was the rain pattering on the roof panels. 

 

I walked out an exit, the rain pouring down on me. It was a strong storm that wasn't warm, but I didn't care. My mind was swarmed with moral dilemmas, and I couldn't stay in the Savior compound for another minute. I had to get out. I walked past the trucks, and went straight into the courtyard, dodging the undead by weaving through, hoping I wouldn’t be caught by the overlook snipers. Saviors weren’t allowed to leave the compound without proper authorization.

 

I got out into the main road, and just walked. I didn't have any supplies with me, not even a knife for protection. I just picked left or right and followed it. 

 

My hair grew heavy as it collected water. The water dripped down into my face, blurring my vision. 

 

_ You should be disgusted with yourself  _

_ He’s gonna notice you’re gone for good _

_ You deserve to die after what you did  _

_ How does it feel to be a liar?  _

_ You like a psycho  _

_ What would anybody who ever loved you think?  _

_ He’s made so many widows Y/N. _

_ You think he loves you?  _

_ You’re another notch on his belt  _

_ Another piece of property he takes  _

_ Wow it only took a few weeks to whore yourself out. _

_ You are so weak. _

 

My body was freezing and pale, but I didn't care. I was being torn in half and I just wanted the voices to stop. But I should've listened to them a few weeks ago. 

 

I let my hair stick to my face and neck. My legs stiffened from the cold, and my shoes were flooded, but I kept going. The cracks of thunder didn't even phase me. I didn't even notice the tears streaming down my face. The guilt I felt for sleeping with the notorious Negan was indescribable. All the things he had done, I had blindly accepted. I was the real monster. I broke my vow to save someone who’s end game probably was just to get into my pants like every other woman at the compound. 

 

I was walking for about an hour until I heard a car engine behind me. My heart dropped to my stomach. I was about to die, I just knew it. As the engine got louder, I finally gave up. I didn't run, I didn't crumble to the ground. I just stopped, and stared at the long road ahead of me.

 

The engine breathed loudly for a minute, then stopped. 

 

_ This is it  _

 

 I heard a door slam and heavy footsteps on the road. I squeezed my eyes tight, bracing myself for any kind of physical hit. A hand slammed down onto my shoulder and I jumped as it spun me around. A tall Negan stood before me, and I was expecting to see anger in his eyes. Instead I saw something else, an emotion I couldn't straight up identify. It was confusing, but I gave up trying to understand Negan. I accepted my fate.

 

Without a single word said between us, I lowered my knees until they crushed against the loose gravel. I bowed my head in defeat and shame, watching the falling water glisten over the small rocks. I broke the rules, I escaped the compound. I gently closed my eyes, preparing to feel a large pressure of Lucille open my skull, but I didn't feel it. I stayed in my place, waiting for my inevitable demise. 

 

Negan lowered himself into a crouch position, and grasped the back of my neck. I whimpered in fear, still staring at the ground. I didn't want his angry, blood thirsty eyes to be the last thing I saw. What Negan did next surprised the hell out of me. 

 

He kissed me. 

 

He didn't kiss me gently, or angrily, but passionately. I was freezing, and his kiss sent a warm radiation throughout my body. He stood me up, so he could wrap his arms around me. All of the doubt I had disappeared. Everything I thought was irrational, suddenly became rational. All in that one moment, I understood everything about Negan, and everything he did. All my regrets disappeared into thin air. 

 

Negan broke off the kiss, and I saw his eyes change from the confusing emotion to desire. He yanked on my wrist, and I stumbled to keep up with him. He drove alone in the truck, so he threw me into the passenger seat. 

 

I was dripping wet and I couldn't stop shivering. Negan didn't say a word to me on the drive back. I constantly kept looking at him, but he kept his eyes locked on the road. He drove with one hand, white knuckled. With his other hand, he kept touching his beard. 

 

I was confused, but I wasn't scared. Negan wasn't going to kill me. I turned something on in him and he did the same to me. 

 

We soon arrived at the compound, to which Negan didn't even let me get out of the truck by myself. He thrusted Lucille into my chest to hold and picked me up bridal style. I couldn't help but laugh, even though Negan’s face was emotionless. I held Lucille carefully as Negan carried me straight to his room. 

 

He put me down, and slammed the room door. He then turned back to me, with a hunger in his eyes. In two swift steps he was kissing me again, holding me against his body. I let go of Lucille, and held onto him instead. I unzipped his leather jacket, slipping it off his shoulders. 

 

My skin was freezing from being in contact with cold for so long. With every touch my body was warmed by Negan. We hadn't said a word since I left the compound, but we were reading each other's thoughts. 

 

The loud storm went on all night, muffling any sound we made. We only stopped until we both thought our hearts were going to give out. It was only then that I finally broke the silence. 

 

“I'm sorry for ever doubting you.” 

 

Negan cracked a smile, breaking the record of his emotionless day. I continued. 

 

“I know what I want now. I want to be a Savior. I want to be yours, Negan. I want to be by your side. I wasn’t sure before, but I am now.” 

 

Negan turned and looked at me, his warm grin back on his face. He brought me in close, and I huddled in his chest. He playfully tugged on my hair, and traced my back. His heartbeat was strong and steady, and it sent me into a deep, peaceful, warm sleep. 


End file.
